How to Break Out of the Man Box

For generations, our culture has taught us a narrow and limiting set of rules for how to be a man. The end result? Epidemic levels of isolation for boys and men and embedded repression and violence for the vast majority of women and children. 

What if there was a different way of being a man? 

I spent most of my life, struggling to balance my desire for equality, authenticity, joy, nonviolence and connection with my desire to fit in with my gender. It took years to find them, but it turns out there are men who are choosing a kind of masculinity that encompass real human values. Thousands of men have broken out of the man box and its rigid repressed dog eat dog version of masculinity. They - we - are choosing a masculinity of connection, compassion, and collaboration. In return we have healthier relationships, and more meaningful, lasting lives. And now there’s a new podcast dedicated to interviewing some of those men and encouraging others to join them: Remaking Manhood, The Healthy Masculinity Podcast. 
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This week on the HERE.together Podcast we are releasing, in full, the first episode of the Remaking Manhood Podcast which I co-host and co-produce with Mark Greene. In this episode, both Mark and I share old stories of shame and (somewhat delayed) redemption. Mark explains with powerful clarity the system that keeps most men in the Man Box and then I lay out the three different ways men can start their own path toward authentic, healthy manhood. I really hope you find it inspiring and I hope you share it with the men and young men in your life. 

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SHOW NOTES
​Key Takeaways: 

• The Man Box is a term describing the restrictions our culture places on men that cause us to trade connection and authenticity for a tenuous bit of power and dominance. 
• Three ways to build Healthy Masculinity
  • Go to a Therapist who understands Men’s Issues
  • Join a regular men’s group
  • Attend a men’s retreat
• Three common elements of men’s work
  • Sharing common experiences
  • Radical honesty & vulnerability
  • Taking accountability for our actions​

“We as men, if we’re not accountable, lean quickly into victimhood.” ​

Background References:

• More about Mark Greene’s work 
  • www.remakingmanhood.com
  • Good Men Project
  • Follow on Twitter @remakingmanhood
• More about Charles’s work 
  • www.charlesmatheus.com
  • Redefining Strength Facebook Group
  • Redefining Strength YouTube Playlist
• Niobe Way
  • Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection
  • TED Talk

Other relevant HERE.together Episodes: 

• Re-defining Strength for the Challenges Ahead

Dive Deeper on the Topic: 

• Remaking Manhood Book
• Little #Metoo Book for Men
• The Mask You Live In Documentary
• The Hero with a Thousand Faces - Joseph Campbell

Resources for Men’s Work

• Humen: The Men’s Mental Health Movement
• Rising Man 
• Evryman 
• Sacred Sons 
• Mankind Project
• Michael Meade - Mosiac Voices