The latest episode, chock full of goodness

How to Break Out of the Man Box

4/24/2021

For generations, our culture has taught us a narrow and limiting set of rules for how to be a man. The end result? Epidemic levels of isolation for boys and men and embedded repression and violence for the vast majority of women and children.

What if there was a different way of being a man?

I spent most of my life, struggling to balance my desire for equality, authenticity, joy, nonviolence and connection with my desire to fit in with my gender. It took years to find them, but it turns out there are men who are choosing a kind of masculinity that encompass real human values. Thousands of men have broken out of the man box and its rigid repressed dog eat dog version of masculinity. They - we - are choosing a masculinity of connection, compassion, and collaboration. In return we have healthier relationships, and more meaningful, lasting lives. And now there’s a new podcast dedicated to interviewing some of those men and encouraging others to join them: Remaking Manhood, The Healthy Masculinity Podcast.

This week on the HERE.together Podcast we are releasing, in full, the first episode of the Remaking Manhood Podcast which I co-host and co-produce with Mark Greene. In this episode, both Mark and I share old stories of shame and (somewhat delayed) redemption. Mark explains with powerful clarity the system that keeps most men in the Man Box and then I lay out the three different ways men can start their own path toward authentic, healthy manhood. I really hope you find it inspiring and I hope you share it with the men and young men in your life.

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SHOW NOTES
Key Takeaways:

The Man Box is a term describing the restrictions our culture places on men that cause us to trade connection and authenticity for a tenuous bit of power and dominance.
Three ways to build Healthy Masculinity
- Go to a Therapist who understands Men’s Issues
- Join a regular men’s group
- Attend a men’s retreat
Three common elements of men’s work
- Sharing common experiences
- Radical honesty & vulnerability
- Taking accountability for our actions

“We as men, if we’re not accountable, lean quickly into victimhood.”

Background References:

More about Mark Greene’s work
- www.remakingmanhood.com
- Good Men Project
- Follow on Twitter @remakingmanhood
More about Charles’s work
- www.charlesmatheus.com
- Redefining Strength Facebook Group
- Redefining Strength YouTube Playlist
Niobe Way
- Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection
- TED Talk

Other relevant HERE.together Episodes:

Re-defining Strength for the Challenges Ahead

Dive Deeper on the Topic:

Remaking Manhood Book
Little #Metoo Book for Men
The Mask You Live In Documentary
The Hero with a Thousand Faces - Joseph Campbell

Resources for Men’s Work

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How to Make Your Relationship Happy

4/14/2021

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Use 1000 Years of Relationship Wisdom

When was the last time you asked a family member for the secrets to their successful relationship? Do you talk about what makes a happy marriage with your friends over dinner? If you don’t have these conversations and access to the wisdom of people who have “figured it out,” then we have the resource for you. It’s relationship Month here at HERE.together and our guest has 1000 years of relationship wisdom cued up for YOU.

Guest Bio:
Our guest this week is Claire Vande Polder, a journalist and producer - Claire has spent a career in the nonfiction world as a television producer and writer. She began at National Geographic Television in Washington, DC. After traveling the world, she joined the Discovery Health Channel as an executive producer. Since then she has worked independently with a variety of networks and production companies including TLC, Investigation Discovery, Smithsonian Channel, HGTV, Oprah Winfrey’s Harpo Studios, and others. She has a B.A. in English from Calvin College and an M.A. in 19 th Century English and American Literature from King’s College London.

Claire probably produced or wrote projects you’ve seen!! So cool.

Last year, Claire went down the rabbit hole on the question of what makes for a happy marriage. She interviewed couples from all over the world, all ages and stages and stations in life - adding up to a THOUSAND years of marriage - to get some pearls of wisdom we can all learn from. Her book Making Marriage Happy: Hard-Won Wisdom from Real Couples is an accessible delight that breaks these successful strategies and behaviors down by subject area and into bite-sized nuggets that are easy to try on.

Rate, Review, Connect
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Leave a voicemail at anchor.fm/heretogether
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Music Credits: A Hawaiian in Paris feat.-Pierre-Grill

SHOW NOTES
Key Takeaways:

Relationships don’t have to be perfect to be happy
Communication is key to staying close and in sync
Forgiveness and understanding go a long way
Self-awareness and empathy help prevent falling into “that same old argument.”

Do a Science:

Pick an issue or problem that you’d like some help with
Interview three people
- Ask them for 15 minutes of their time
- Ask questions only - avoid telling your story or engaging in discussion

If you’re alive, you have a story, and what you’ve lived through has given you wisdom. We all have it. And who knows? What you’ve learned might help somebody else, so why not share? - Claire V-P

Episode References:

Claire’s book: Making Marriage Happy
Claire’s website

Other relevant HERE.together Episodes:

Episode 17 More Blood with husband/wife horror film makers Andrew & Angie Johnson Schmidt
Episode 20 A Relationship Quickie with US!
Also check out our“Make Your Relationship Great” blog series

Dive Deeper on the Topic:

Where Should We Begin? A podcast with Esther Pere‪l‬. An incomparable therapist counsels real couples as they reveal the most intimate, personal, and complicated details of their conflicts
How to Make Your Relationship Great - Articles from the HERE.together hosts.
Harville and Helen Hendrix - Relationship Therapists
Charles and Kelly’s Favorite Relationship Books
- How to Be an Adult in Relationships - David Richo
- Loving Each Other - Leo Buscaglia
- The Five Love Languages - Gary Chapman
- The Power of Unconditional Love - Ken Keyes, Jr.

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How to Make Your Relationship Exceptional

4/12/2021

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Changing the World, One Relationship at a Time

What would your relationship look like if you could call it Exceptional? Are you ok with pretty good? What would you change, if you could? How would the world be different if your relationship were exceptional?

It’s relationship month at HERE.together. This episode, we are talking with a young couple who have done a ton of homework on their relationship - literally trying a bunch of different ways to be in a love relationship - and over time and with a lot of experimenting, they have found gold. Now they are prepared to share that gold with us and with you.

Natasha Koo and Yachym Jeriehave been together for a decade and married for 6 of those years. They knew there was something special between them early on and when they found themselves living thousands of miles apart, instead of breaking up or being miserable without each other, they tried an open relationship. Later on they tried a few other “non-traditional” formats. But what really made things work for them was radical honesty and vulnerability. It worked so well that they now have a business helping other couples go from good to great, or should we say, exceptional.

They join us all the way from Malaysia and we have what is one of the most moving and profound conversations of this podcast. Their framework matches our perfectly - get our own personal shit together so we can create strong, resilient partnerships that let us make a positive impact in our communities and the world.
It is our pleasure to introduce you to Natasha Koo and Jachym Jerie.

Rate, Review, Connect
www.podchaser.com/heretogether
Email us at contact@rocketfeather.com
Leave a voicemail at anchor.fm/heretogether
Sign up to receive the weekly Connection Newsletter www.here-together.us/join

Music Credits: A Hawaiian in Paris feat.-Pierre-Grill

SHOW NOTES:
Do a Science:

Notice, focus on and express appreciation for you partner’s strengths.
Spend time in stillness and notice how suffering is and artifact and that joy is always accessible.

Episode References:

Natasha and Jachim’s Website: Your Exceptional Relationship
Free Relationship Resources
The Awakened Wife Podcast
- Listen on Google Podcasts
- Listen on Apple Podcasts

Other relevant Episodes:

Episode 44 How to Be Authentic and Whole with Kate and Colby Martin
Episode 40 How to Be Powerful with Dawn Delvecchio & Doug Eagan
Episode 41 How to Win at Love with US

Dive Deeper on the Topic:

How to Make Your Relationship Great - Articles from the HERE.together hosts.
Harville and Helen Hendrix - Relationship Therapists
Charles and Kelly’s Favorite Relationship Books
- How to Be an Adult in Relationships - David Richo
- Loving Each Other - Leo Buscaglia
- The Five Love Languages - Gary Chapman
- The Power of Unconditional Love - Ken Keyes, Jr.

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