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How Kelly Broke My Heart and Opened a Door

3/11/2023

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Our path toward cohousing began with a gut punch.
,Kelly said, "My life here is so... so unsatisfying."

That simple statement hit me right in the solar plexus. My whole professional life centers on creating meaningful and purposeful opportunities for others, and here was my beloved wife and co-conspirator revealing to me her awful truth. Despite our solid relationship, the roof over our heads, her engaging job, the abundance of food in the pantry, and the rich content on Netflix, my dear friend was deeply unsatisfied. {gah!}

Once I got my breath back, I asked a few questions to understand the scope and origin of Kelly's dissatisfaction. It turns out that where and how we lived had her feeling isolated, adrift, and disconnected. We, like millions of other people, lived in a single-family home in a suburb of spaced-out properties, cul-de-sacs, and closed garage doors. Although we had a stunning view of the Arizona mountains off our back porch, we hardly ever saw our neighbors, and there were no shops or amenities within walking distance. Every bit of our social and cultural life had to be planned and driven to; there were no spontaneous visits or easy conversations on the sidewalk. 


Kelly's dissatisfaction is shared nation-wide. It is so prevalent that public health experts have dubbed it the Loneliness Epidemic. When humans lack easy, regular, and spontaneous connections with other humans, we are deeply, chronically, and negatively affected. Stress hormones increase, blood pressure rises, we don't sleep as well, and we start to have dark thoughts. (Check out this articles from the New York Times for more detail.)

Unfortunately the "American Dream" of moving out of the urban core into a single-family home with a fence to hide the neighbors turns out to be a nightmare, even for my slightly introverted wife. The design and placement of suburban homes seem purpose-built to create isolation, suspicion of others, and that terrible dissatisfaction. 

Kelly and I had already decided to change where we lived from our spread-out western city to the smaller, more urban Utica, NY (primarily for economic and climate reasons). But this revelation that WE were suffering from the Loneliness Epidemic invigorated a search, not just for a different place but a different way to live. Fortunately, we knew about other options.  We knew about cohousing - intentional community living that combines smaller living quarters with big common spaces and balances privacy with meaningful connection. 

Cohousing community design originated in Denmark in the 1960s in response to the changing social and economic landscape of the country. The idea was to create intentional communities designed specifically to help people live together in a way that fostered community, mutual support, and sustainability.

The first cohousing community was established in Denmark in 1972, and since then, the concept has spread to many other countries, including the United States, Canada, Australia, and much of Europe. The basic idea of cohousing is to create a community of people who share common values and who are committed to working together to create a supportive living environment.

Today, cohousing communities vary widely in their size, design, and approach to living. Some communities are small and focused on particular interests, such as eco-villages or intentional communities based on shared spiritual beliefs. Others are larger and more diverse, with a range of ages, backgrounds, and interests represented within the community.
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Here are a few examples of suburban, urban, exurban, and infill cohousing communities in the United States:
  1. Muir Commons: Located in Davis, California. in the midst of stereotypical suburban sprawl, Muir Commons was one of the first cohousing communities built in the United States in 1991. The community consists of 26 homes, a common house, and shared gardens.
  2. Winslow Cohousing: Winslow Cohousing has a more exurban feel due to it's location on Bainbridge Island, Washington. The community consists of 30 homes and a common house. The community is focused on sustainability and features a rainwater collection system, solar panels, and organic gardens.
  3. Jamaica Plain Cohousing: Located in Boston, Massachusetts, Jamaica Plain Cohousing is an example of urban cohousing. It consists of several three-story buildings containing 30 homes, a common house, and shared outdoor spaces. The community is committed to diversity and inclusivity, and features a mix of income levels and cultural backgrounds.
  4. Quimper Village: Quimper Village is located in Port Townsend, Washington, and consists of 30 homes and a common house. As an intentional 55+ community, it is designed to be accessible and features universal design elements to enable older people to age in place while remaining connected. 
  5. Bristol Village Cohousing: An example of infill cohousing, the residents purchased a number of existing homes in a neighborhood, removed the fencing between them and added new construction to create a "village within a village." 
These are just a few examples of the many cohousing communities that exist in the United States. Each community is unique and reflects the values and priorities of its residents.

It turns out there aren't any cohousing communities in Utica... yet! There are, however, plenty of underused lots and under-utilized architectural marvels in our chosen city. Kelly and I are committed to spearheading this project, to gather more people who are ready to live more fully, and, together, build a community where no one is lonely or unsatisfied.  
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Re-branding in the Middle of Success??

11/2/2020

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Don’t blame us, reality made us do it.

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It was all going so well. 
We had settled into a groove of weekly podcast production. I had standardized the audio production workflow and Kelly had crafted some gorgeous social media templates. We had no trouble securing guests and they all loved being on our show. We were getting really positive feedback from listeners and our listenship had suddenly doubled. 

But something wasn’t right. Something was off. There was, what Kelly describes as “a wobble” between our branding and what we were actually delivering. The “Rocket Feather” name and visuals didn’t tell the true story of what the podcast had become. The name didn’t really honor the beauty and truth that our guests were providing. Something needed to change, and we weren’t about to change the kind of conversations we were having and releasing. 

To be fair to Past Charles and Past Kelly, they had created an enticing name and brand for what they thought they were doing in 2019. Back then, there was lots of zooming energy and shiny newness. There was this delicious tension between the natural world and the attraction of accessible tech. We were loving both our garden and our microphones. Back then, we had the powerful naivete to think our voice is what mattered and that we could tackle all the topics. Bless those kids and their shiny new logo. They didn’t know what was headed their way. 

It wasn’t Covid, exactly 
Right from the start we were having conversations that went way deeper than the typical podcast interview. Tony Himes made us cry in Episode 3 when he facilitated a gestalt experience for us right on the recording. Claire Louge opened up her own beautiful can of pain and healing in Episode 16 when we thought we were there to talk about her nonprofit leadership. 

The emergence of the pandemic and the eruption of pain and protest around George Floyd’s killing did change our podcast. Everything got more important, more consequential. In Episode 35, Hayden Gebler took us into the moment he decided to take a vicious beating so he could leave the white suprmacist gang. While protests were filling the streets in Portland and Phoenix, Rowdy Duncan enlisted us in a collaborative storytelling process that envisioned a future of abundance, health, and peace. 

Our little hobby podcast had become a platform that elevated critical stories and crucial ideas. Guests were telling us they felt brave and open in our presence. Both guests and isteners were telling us that the pod was helping them understand themselves and their relationships better. A community began to form around the podcast. It started to belong to others, not just the two of us. 

Solution
So Kelly and I were feeling the shift of ownership, the change in focus. So we took a couple of cold-brew coffees and a couple of notebooks to the lake. Our original agenda, that caffeinated afternoon, was humble and limited, though. I think the plan was just to work on some new social media templates and languaging; there was no intention to re-brand the whole project. But as the breeze blew off the water and the kayakers came and went, an alignment emerged simply and easily. I think Kelly proposed the new name within minutes. We felt no anguish, nothing but excitement, as the new name and brand emerged. That night Kelly developed the new logo in the time it took me to cook dinner. Something was right about this. 

What’s Happening
So, to be clear, the name of the weekly podcast is now the HERE.together Podcast. The dot between the HERE and the together represents the pause between the two words that emphasizes them both. 

The HERE.together Podcast is part of community of people who are craving: 
  • A sense of Connectedness
  • A dose of Empathy
  • A glimpse of the Way forward
  • An opportunity to Engage
We’ll be focusing our attention and our guest list on community, reducing polarization, and increasing justice. Episode will continue to include a call to action - a “science” for everyone to try. Those who listen closely to the Rocket Feather podcast intros might notice that the brand statement leaves out “Healthy Masculinity” and “Permission to Create.” Although those threads will undoubtedly be present in the ongoing conversations, we know we can’t tackle all subjects all the time. Instead, we’ll have to spin off some of this work. (In fact, I’ll be starting a new podcast with Mark Greene, the author of Remaking Manhoon, to wrestle specifically with modern masculinity.)

Rocket Feather Podcast is Gone - Long Live Rocket Feather Creative
Rocket Feather Creative remains the official name of our business on all the relevant state and federal documentation. And it remains the name and brand of our production company. We will continue to produce other podcasts and live streams for our business and nonprofit clients under that name. I will continue to wear my Rocket Feather cap with pride. 

What This Means for You
Although the rebranding is because of you and for you, you don’t have to do much. If you are subscribed to the Rocket Feather Podcast, you’re automatically subscribed to the HERE.together Podcast. No big deal. 

However, we invite you to accept the rebrand as a call to action. The recognition that the podcast is bigger than the two of us, that it belongs to you and is based on a sense of community and purpose puts, frankly, a bit more opportunity and responsibility in your lap. This rebranding calls on you to engage as much as possible with this project to make it lively, relevant, and sustainable. Send us suggestions for guests and topics. Rate and review so others find and listen. Give us feedback about how we can serve the community better. Because we are 100% HERE.together. We might as well get something done.

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    Author

    Charles Matheus grew up in an old mining town in Arizona. He managed to graduate from an Ivy League University and knows that you won't hold that against him.

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